


just remember me when (we used to be friends)

by LottieAnna



Category: Sex Education (TV)
Genre: Bittersweet Ending, Canon Compliant, Character Study, Gen, Id Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-17
Updated: 2019-01-17
Packaged: 2019-10-11 14:29:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17448755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LottieAnna/pseuds/LottieAnna
Summary: It’s not until Adam walks out of the band room that he realizes he doesn’t have to be angry.





	just remember me when (we used to be friends)

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the characters in this story!

It’s not until Adam walks out of the band room that he realizes he doesn’t have to be angry. 

Like. He’s  _ not  _ angry—at least, not about this—and that’s good, because he doesn’t want to be angry, and this was something, so. 

Usually, when Adam’s feeling a lot of things, most of it is anger. He’s not a particularly happy guy. Obviously, he’s not— guys who hate their dads aren’t usually happy. Or maybe it’s that guys who are happy don’t hate their dads. Adam’s not really sure which happened first, but hating his dad and not being happy are two concepts he’s not great at separating. 

What happened in the band room—the Eric thing—that hadn’t been about being unhappy. It had started that way, but then Eric had lifted his head, and Adam had blinked, and suddenly, he was the least unhappy he’d been in a while. 

And sure, Adam is scared about it, but it’s a different kind of scared. A  _ good  _ kind of scared. 

He’s still got the taste of Eric on his tongue. Because they had sex— sex that had just. Happened. Talk about letting go of expectations and, like, owning his narrative, or whatever. There had been no expectations there, and Eric’s voice—before, during, after—had been so honest, so surprised, so filled with… awe, Adam thinks. Reverence. 

Adam doesn’t know if he can count it as sex, because no one touched his dick. Giving a blowjob isn’t the same as sex. At least, when you get a blowjob from a girl, that’s not the same as having sex with her. Girls can give blowjobs and still be virgins, and guys can get blowjobs and still be virgins. 

Then again, Adam’s not a virgin, and he also just  _ gave  _ a blowjob, which— even if it’s not sex, it’s still… something he did. With one of the two gay guys in school. 

Or— 

It’s something Adam did that’s… gay. That’s part of gayness. A thing that’s typically associated with gay sex. 

Adam is shaking, and he wants to, like, punch a locker, but that’s more that he doesn’t like what he said to Eric. He doesn’t like the image in his head of Eric’s smile fading and his eyes going all wide and terrified, and he doesn’t like that it’s replaying over and over again on a loop. 

That’s regret. Adam’s feeling a lot of things that he doesn’t understand right now, but he understands that. You don’t get sent to military school without regretting a few things. 

Adam knows regret, and he knows anger, and, as painful as it is to think about for too long, he knows what it’s like to regret anger. 

But there’s stuff he doesn’t regret. 

Like most of what happened just now, in the band room, with Eric. 

 

It’s just— Adam doesn’t have many things he’s happy about, alright?

And he’s confused, because he  _ thought  _ he was happy with Aimee, and he’s pretty sure he really liked her, so he probably isn’t gay. He never really hated gay people, but, like— he never felt any particular allegiance with them either. He picked on Eric because Eric was weak and easy and so fucking scared, and Adam knew he could get what he wanted out of him, but he never actually wanted Eric to be scared of  _ him.  _

He knows what it looks like, okay, but it’s not like that. Adam’s never even thought like that before, and he’s being fucking honest, okay? It would make a lot of sense if he had, if he’d gone after Eric because he was afraid of the things they had in common, but they  _ don’t  _ have anything in common. Eric is loud. Eric is a band geek. Eric is  _ happy.  _

Adam’s… nothing, really. Just big and angry and confused. 

Also, leaving. He’s leaving soon. For military school, because he hates his father, and his father finally hates him back. 

Secretly—or, maybe not secretly—Adam had been hoping he’d get expelled someday. His father hadn’t done it. Because he didn’t want to give Adam the satisfaction, or he didn’t realize that Adam actually  _ hated  _ him. 

But still. Military school. 

Maybe Adam doesn’t hate his father, honestly, but he’s always had this secret fantasy of getting a fresh start at a new school where he’s not afraid of people talking about his dick behind his back or his father breathing down his neck. Military school isn’t that. There’s no privacy, no freedom, no room to breathe, just more people who hate him from the start and more rumors waiting to happen. 

 

Eric is weird. Like, he’s desperate to believe that people are worth trusting, but he’s braced for the worst the second someone even hints that they’re gonna let him down.

So Adam’s late to biology, obviously, and he’s not unhappy when the only seat left is next to Eric, even though Eric doesn’t look thrilled. But Eric is easy, and Adam has an idea. 

When he pushes their arms together, Eric’s not even subtle about noticing, about pushing back, and— like Adam said, it’s weird. Eric’s so easy if he thinks you’re gonna throw him a bone. For all he knows, Adam could turn on him again after this. It’s fun, sure, but it’s vulnerable, and he’s just giving it up so easily, flirting back and smiling with full-on sunshine eyes. 

It’s ridiculous that no one notices, really. Biology is so boring, and Eric’s grin is the most amazing thing Adam’s ever seen. 

For some reason, it used to piss him off; now, he thinks he likes it, thinks he could like it a lot, if he weren’t going to military school. 

It’s probably a shitty thing to do, to press their pinkies together like this, but Adam wants to, and he thinks they could both use the hope, right about now. Eric had been so fucking scared yesterday, and Adam can’t fix much about his time at Moordale, but he can fix that. 

It’s probably too little too late, and it makes Adam sad that Eric doesn’t seem to think so, but if Eric’s happy, then something’s right with the world. And, like— Eric told off the swing band teacher and punched Anwar. He dressed differently for weeks. If Adam had to guess, he’d say that Eric hasn’t really been happy recently. 

Adam probably would never have stolen his lunch money if he realized he could’ve been making him happy instead. Less effort, more returns. That’s efficiency, or something. 

Actually, Adam doesn’t know what the word ‘efficient’ means. He just knows that being nice to Eric makes sense in his head. 

 

It’s a strange day, because Adam doesn’t like to say goodbye, so he doesn’t say anything to anyone. Adam tends to fuck up every time he speaks, anyway.

He finds his dog. He has to leave. He doesn’t want to. 

Eric bikes past his house as the car pulls out the driveway, stops and stares sadly as Adam’s dragged away, and Adam hates the way he can see a fantasy die behind his eyes, but at least Eric knows that he didn’t want to go, knows that he’s sorry. 

Or maybe, that’s just Adam hoping Eric gets a happy memory out of all this. 

**Author's Note:**

> did not realize that i'd have feelings about a bully-turns-out-gay story in 2019. this show did a good job with it. also a good job in general. 
> 
> eric deserves the world, and these adam thoughts Would Not Leave Me Alone, so i wrote this down and didn't read it back.


End file.
